Friends, today Captain Beer and a few of the HoB Fleet received a very good question from a very good man to ask it, our very own Brigadier Bock! Here’s what was troubling the Brigadier:

So, I bought a 10 dollar bottle of the Chimay blue at Whole Foods, and
to be honest it wasn’t that great (it didnt taste bad per se, but it
didn’t live up to expectations). But given that it’s considered an
outstanding beer by virtually everyone, I assume that I just got a
rare subpar bottle. Does Whole Foods allow returns? After I drank the
whole thing? Anyone have any experience here?

Read on for justice, friend with time on his/her (likely his) hands!

A harrowing and grief filled experience, I know. BUT! The Captain also knows a few things about this sticky subject, so I jumped on the case.Here is my reply, based off of years of experience and market research* and such:

Fear not. I’ll take care of this in 3 steps:

1 - Weep. Weep and flap your hands pathetically, elbows pinned to your sides.

2 - Enter whole foods… lose your nerve. Exit and weep.

3 - Call them and, for some reason, use a fake accent, as if they could identify you personally by the sound of your natural voice, and as if the manager there, realizing that it was, in fact, Brigadier Bock, on the phone, would slander you up and down on popular websites, and hurl libel on the talk show circuits and… anyway, using your fake accent, make your inquiry and then act upon management’s response to:

  3.1 - Return beer
3.2 - Weep

Damn, that was some good beer advice. I think.

THERE YOU HAVE IT! Justice and vindication.

And that little boy who nobody liked?… grew up to be… Al Jolson. Now you know… the rest of the story.

*read: I worked in a liquor store one semester in college. It was awesome. It was so awesome. I can’t believe they let me go after me and a bunch of my asshat friends stumbled in hammered on the day of the Boston Marathon shirtless and wearing those space blanket things like we had just run 26 miles. Truth be told, we looked a lot worse off than most of the folks who had just run it.